Dibs!

Here's an internet-dating online profile I found. Let's not fight over him.

"I recently got out of federal prison after 3 years for shooting a guy in the ass with a 12gauge in a pub.(NO I AM NOT JOKING. PLEASE DONT LAUGH AT ME) I got 6yrs for it.(Judges frown on that)I hope that does not scare you off whomever is reading this because I am not hat person anymore. Going to prison was the best thing that ever happened to me. I quit smoking and smoking pot. I started working out everyday trying to get into shape. I managed to lose almost all the fat that was on me. I am so proud of that. I used to be considerably overweight with no muscle tone to me whatsoever before I went to prison."